Our Father

"Our Father" These two simple words mean a lot to me. You see, I grew up without one. I always envied the other kids who had a family. The ones who had fathers who took them places and attended the football games and school functions. But mostly, I envied the kids that I knew in church. I would watch as they sat next to their dads. They would whisper to each other or the father would gently and quietly scold them to be still and respectful during service. I would have given anything to have someone in my life who would make me feel the kind of love I knew I was missing. Even to this day, some thirty years later I find myself watching the fathers in church and how they interact with their children.
I remember very little about my dad. The few things I do remember are mostly bad. The one memory that stands out is having to step over him on the steps of our apartment building as we went off to school. He would sometimes be laying there, passed out drunk and smelling of booze, vomit, and urine. I guess I must have been 6 or 7 years old then. I don't remember much more about him because he was never around. If my mother wanted something from him she would send one of us kids down the street to the bar he practically lived in to hand him a note. I remember once he bought me a cherry coke. (back then, a cherry coke was a coke with a cherry in it.)
My mother finally had enough when I was about 10 and moved us to a city in the south some 2000 miles away from him. He visited once for a week-end a year later and stayed in a motel. The next year, he died. I was 11. I do not remember ever having a single conversation with him. I don't remember the sound of his voice, the smell of his after shave or ever having hugged him or sat on his lap. I do remember his face but even that has faded over the years. When he died It took me 6 months to finally cry for him and as I think on it now, I don't think I was crying for him as much as I was crying for myself. I wanted a father so badly.
I went through most of my life feeling sorry for myself in that respect. I was angry with a man I did not know for reasons that I could not express. I was bitter and used to blame all the trouble I got myself into on him. I hated him and used to think of terrible things I would say to him if he were alive. I wanted him to hurt as much as I did. And that, too me, was a lot of pain.
A few years ago, I re-dedicated my life to God. I started studying the bible. I re-started my Christian walk. Something happened one day that changed my life forever. A realization that I have a Father. I always have. I was just to young and then too bitter to realize it. I have a Father whom I can talk to about anything. A Father who forgives me when I don't do the things I should and also forgives me when I do the things I shouldn't. One that corrects me when I am wrong. Who teaches me about life and the things that are right and wrong. A Father so loving and so compassionate that He gave his Son so that I can one day be with Him. When I came to fully realize that my Father was with me every day of my life, waiting for me to recognize Him I could literally feel all the hate, all the bitterness and most of all the terrible loneliness lifted away from me.

I was finally able to forgive my dad.  I realize there were probably circumstances in his life that I will never know about. I had written a poem so many years ago about my dad. In it was this verse,
"If there's one thing I've learned
in this cold, lonely world
its that love don't come easy,
it has to be earned."
I now know that is not entirely true. There is an unconditional love that comes from my Father in heaven that can never be tarnished, diminished or taken away and I am thankful to God for His love every single day of my life.

Matt:6:9-13
In this manner, therefore, pray:
Our Father in heaven,
Hallowed by your name.
Your kingdom come.
Your will be done
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts,
As we forgive our debtors.
And do not lead us into temptation,
But deliver us from the evil one.
For Yours is the kingdom and the
power and the glory forever. Amen (NKJV)

If you are a father and are reading this right now, go and tell your children how much you love them and more importantly, How much Our Father in heaven loves them.
Thank you.

I was told once that my dad's favorite bible verse was the 23rd Psalm. It's one of mine as well.